My father's answer was both expected and unexpected. From his reaction after waking up today, I could tell that the fact that my mother had become a paper person wasn't a surprise to him.
It's possible that he knew when he woke up what he had traded to come back to life. He didn't speak, and I didn't press for more information. But I knew that there would be an answer to everything tonight. Since my father had called me out in the middle of the night, as my father, he should be willing to confide in his son.
The peach orchard behind the hill belonged to Seventh Grandfather. Children in the mountain village didn't share the urban people's romantic fascination with peach blossoms; they believed that the peach orchard at the height of its flowering was the most beautiful. In our eyes as children, no matter how beautiful the peach blossom, it couldn't compare to the bountiful ripe peaches hanging from the tree, some crunchy, some soft, but without exception, all sweet and delicious.
We even used to choose the largest peach from a tree and crown it the Peach King. Then we'd have a battle to see who was the strongest, crowning that child the Monkey King. Only the Monkey King was allowed to eat the largest peach. The rest of us would have to watch him enjoy it, and he would deliberately make a show of how delicious it was, making the rest of us feel inferior.
Looking back now, we weren't Monkey Kings, we were just being led by a clown. But the happiness of those clownish times had come to an end. The strongest Monkey King at that time is now married with children. And I, am now half a head taller than my father.
As we approached the peach orchard behind the hill, the black dog that used to chase us around the courtyard when we came to steal peaches barked a few times, but the sound was no longer as crisp and loud as before. Even that dog, had grown old.
Upon hearing the barking, Seventh Grandfather came out with a lantern and asked, "Who's there?"
"Seventh Grandfather, it's me. It's too hot at night and I couldn't sleep, so I came out for some fresh air," I quickly explained. If he saw us both carrying a paper person to bury in the middle of the night, I'm afraid his old heart wouldn't be able to take it.
"Too many mosquitoes. Need a mosquito coil?" Seventh Grandfather asked me.
"No need, you should sleep early. I'll just take a stroll and go back," I said before Seventh Grandfather, stooped over, carrying the lantern, returned to his room.
We bypassed the peach orchard and, at a quiet spot, my father gently placed "Mother" on the ground with a tender touch. Then he took out the erhu that he had been carrying on his back. It was a matter that I had never known about, despite growing up so big.
"For over twenty years, I never thought about giving you a name until now. Is it too late to give you a name? You like peach wood and wood, so let's call you Lizhi, after peach wood. You have a good temperament, and just looking at you, you know you are a noble person. I have no education, and perhaps I picked a bad name for you, but let's go with Li Jinzhi," my father murmured to the lying paper person beside him.
Then he struck a match, his hand trembling slightly, and finally the flame was placed gently on the beautifully painted face of my dear mother.
It quickly ignited; in the blink of an eye, the paper person was engulfed by the flames. Also engulfed by the flames was my father's erhu.
That night's intoxicated wife had indeed become a swan song.
A myriad of indescribable feelings spread through my heart. I didn't know if it was sadness or something else. There were no tears, just a heart full of bitterness and unrest. Yet I didn't know where the unrest came from.
I fished out the letter my mother had left for my father from my pocket after hesitating all day about whether to give it to him. In the end, I did give it to him. My father was much stronger than I had imagined.
"Dad, this is the last message from Mom to you," I told him.
He took it, smiled faintly, didn't look at it, and threw it directly into the bonfire, saying, "I don't need to read it. I know what she wanted to tell me. It's no different from saying she owes me and has repaid me. And to blame me for making decisions for her without her consent?"
I was instantly dumbfounded, not knowing what to say. A lifetime of mutual understanding, a plain life like my father and mother's, was such a happy thing.
The paper man burned quickly, rapidly turning into a pile of ashes. The two of us stood there watching, and finally, when the burning was nearly finished, my father said, "Xiao Fan, kowtow to your mother."
I knelt down and solemnly kowtowed three times.
"Xiao Fan, don't blame your mother, she cares about you more than anyone else," my father whispered softly in my ear.
After holding back tears all night, when my father said these words, my emotions burst forth instantly. I, Lin Xiaofan, am not heartless, nor do I lack feelings for my mother. It's just that I still cannot differentiate whether what burned just now was a paper person or my dear mother!
When everything was done, the two of us sat in place, gazing at the stars in the sky. If everything before could be considered a nightmare, then now that the dream was over, everything seemed to be coming to an end. But I felt so lost, always feeling like when I returned home, there would still be a quiet and beautiful mother sitting in my father's room.
When someone quietly stays by your side, you don't pay attention.
But when they really leave, you can't help but feel unsettled, as if something is missing in your life.
"More than twenty years ago, I was young at that time. Back then, young people didn't have much entertainment. Before we left Lin Family Village, I had this idea of wanting to leave the mountains and venture out. I didn't know myself if I was for or against the government, and was criticized severely. My grandfather was too preoccupied to care about me, and didn't want to involve me, so he let me go."
"At that time, it was different from now. During the Cultural Revolution, there was chaos, but it definitely wasn't as frightening as it is now. But at that time, the poverty was real and quite severe. Nowadays, young people can go work outside, do physically demanding work, but at that time, it was difficult to even find a job to feed oneself. Where were the shops and factories to seize from the capitalist class? I had my pride and didn't want to join the beggars' lines to ask for food. I always felt that as a capable man, it wasn't proper to beg."
"Later, by a stroke of luck, I joined a theater troupe, and learned to play the erhu from an old man. I didn't say anything and just fell in love with the posture and feeling of playing the erhu when I saw the old man play. At that time, the main purpose was to fill my stomach."
"At that time, the theater troupe was small and it was difficult. If someone really wanted to make trouble, even this could be classified in the 'Four Olds' - old culture, old ideas, old customs, old habits. So at that time, the theater troupe didn't charge fees and performed in rural areas, not accepting money, only taking grain from the locals to fill our stomachs."
"It was during that time that I met your mother. You should be able to tell that she was a great beauty, which is true. Her ancestors were highly regarded, and she even held a position in Henan. Her family was quite well-off in the past. Because of this, she was particularly harshly criticized at the time, and both her father and your maternal grandfather couldn't endure the torment and committed suicide."
"The first time I saw your mother was after the theater performance. We had nowhere to stay and we made a temporary shelter using firewood. I saw her hiding behind a tree, all dirty and alone, peeping at me. I was so shocked that I shuddered and put my clothes back on. I went over and grabbed her before she could run away."
"That night, the theater troupe left in a hurry because of her. Since her family background was not good and she suffered severely from it, and her appearance was victimized by the head of the production team."
"We saved her."
"In other places in Henan, the theater troupes sang Henan opera, and we also sang it before. Each place had its own repertoire, such as Huangmei opera, Errenzhuan, Peking Opera, Yue Opera, and others. After she joined us, she managed to revive our theater troupe. Because of her family background, she was a young lady of wealth who liked Peking Opera, she could sing a few pieces, and she was good-looking and had a sweet voice. Every time we performed, we could earn some grain and bring it back due to her status."
"At that time, apart from saving her, there were no entanglements between us. In the theater troupe, I only learned to play the erhu and couldn't get on the stage, just a handyman. She, on the other hand, became a star, and the person she liked was not me, but another young actor in the troupe. He had fair skin, handsome looks, and was, in your words, very charming. She didn't even notice the silent love I had for her all the time."
"Although we tried our best to avoid being found by the village where she lived, how far could the theater troupe go? Years later, when we were performing in a place, we encountered the head of the production team who had abused her at the time. He publicly humiliated her in front of everyone, calling her a feudal tumor and a prostitute, and even slapped her."
"That night, I happened to be sick and slept in the shed. This is a fact, not an excuse for myself. When I discovered it, she was hanging herself on the stage, with her eyes wide open."
"I heard that she was abused by the head of the production team behind the stage that night, and the young man she liked didn't say a word."
"She died with her eyes wide open."
My mood rose and fell with my father's narration. I never expected that the old lady I thought I was familiar with had hidden so many stories. And they were so poignant.
"Then what happened to mother later?" I knew that regardless of the outcome at the time, my old mother had become a paper person that was just burned to ashes by us a moment ago, but I couldn't help but ask, worry, and imagine what she and my old man had gone through and how they had come together.
Father's expression was somewhat perplexed as he said, "At that time, he gave me that glass ball, and inside was the image of your mother. He told me that he actually knew what was going on from the beginning, but he couldn't not come, because he was tired of being criticized and especially cherished the opportunity to redeem himself. So, he didn't let anyone follow him, because he never intended to deal with her from the beginning."
"In the words of the old Daoist at the time, it's about people having human law and ghosts having ghost rules. Originally, after her death, she was supposed to enter the cycle of reincarnation because of the injustices she suffered in this life, in the next life she could have a better fate. But she didn't go, she continued to harm people on earth. If he didn't come, she might not even be able to become a ghost. Now she has been put into the glass ball, forming her own world. In harsh terms, in this way, she will be by my side in the future."
"Holding that glass ball and looking at her figure inside, after bidding farewell to the old Daoist, I felt particularly uncomfortable. Life was really difficult outside, and after turning and tossing around, I returned to Linjiazhuang again. By the time I came back, almost ten years had passed, and life was becoming stable. At that time, your grandmother kept saying that I was already an adult and needed to find a wife. But looking at her peaceful appearance in the glass ball, how could I make room for someone else in my heart? I just kept dragging my feet."
"Until later, it was also here in this peach blossom garden. Your grandfather called me here and asked me, Yutang, do you have something on you? Show it to me. At that time, I was totally broke. Besides ordinary clothes, what else did I have on me? When your grandfather asked me, I knew it was about the glass ball issue. Did I reveal something and was discovered by him?"
"I definitely couldn't admit it, but your grandfather sighed and said to me, show it to me, I can help you."
His words made me even more uneasy. After I came back, my whole state was quite bad. For a young man this big not to find a wife was a big anomaly. Your grandfather said he could help me, and I didn't believe it, because when I asked the old Daoist at the time, he said that no matter what, a dead person cannot be resurrected, not even that old Daoist could do it. What could your grandfather, a former local guerrilla, now an old farmer, do to help me? But people are afraid of not having hope. Since your grandfather said he could help me, even if there was only a one-in-a-thousand chance, I had to try. Trying might not work, but not trying was definitely not going to work. At the same time, I was thinking that not wanting to find a wife at the time had already made your grandmother quite dissatisfied with me. I thought that if I told your grandfather of my difficulties, at least one of my parents would understand. Comparatively speaking, your grandfather was more approachable than your grandmother, you should understand this."
After I told him the situation, your grandfather, smoking his pipe, holding the glass ball, seemed to think for a long time, and finally said to me, go and make a paper person, the more it looks like her, the better, make it with care, with emotion, make this paper person as if he were making it. He will use it. I didn't understand. I thought he was telling me to make a paper person to comfort myself, but your grandfather wasn't a joking person. When he said this, his expression was serious and solemn, he didn't seem to be kidding me. I had a try-it-and-see attitude then, and went back and bought what I needed that same night, and made a paper person with the image of her, which I had been thinking about day and night. At night the next day, your grandfather came, took her away, and asked for the glass ball. That night, he went out, and the next morning, he came back and told me an address, and said, go get her and bring her back."
Your grandfather was an honest man, in my impression, he was just an illiterate person who was bullied by your grandmother every day, but his sudden move made me feel like he was a great immortal. I wasn't sure if I believed it, but I went out. Later, I really found her in a place. I brought her back, and then what happened afterward, you should also know, everyone said that I, Lin Yutang, bought a wife for three hundred yuan, beautiful as flowers, the only flaw was that she was a fool."
Father finished talking about the complete story of the burnt paper mother, then handed me a glass ball, and said, "Your grandfather came back with this glass ball, now it's just a crystal ball with no patterns inside anymore."
I breathed slowly, finding it hard to believe but having to believe what my father said, because the facts were right in front of me.
"Was I born from mother?" I suddenly asked my father. I could understand a paper mother, but I couldn't agree that she could have given birth to a child.
"Except for her fear of too much sunlight and strangers, there's nothing different about her from a normal woman," my father said, blushing rare at this statement.
This statement caused a dull ache in my heart, transforming all my previous lack of understanding into absolute tolerance. Mother's suffering was greater than anyone's.
But this wasn't my main concern. After listening to my father's previous story, what I was most curious and eager to know was not about my mother anymore, but about my grandfather. I was caught in the same mystery that my father had been in when my grandfather said he could help him.
An honest man, to put it bluntly, who had eventually been beaten to death by my grandmother, how could he be so talented and amazing? I couldn't imagine it. When I asked my father about this, he said, "I don't know about this, and he never said. I feel like he had a special experience during his years in the army. I don't know what that experience was."
I agreed with my father's words, but now my mind was filled with too much explosive information and countless questions that I needed my father to answer for me, just as my second uncle had told me, that if I had any questions, I should ask my father.
"That red coffin, when you said it was a debt of our Lin family, what's the reason for this? Why would our Lin family owe someone a debt?" I asked, and after asking I felt extremely nervous, this was almost the answer to everything!
"This was what my father told me after he saved your mother. He didn't say it directly, just said that at that time, he made a mistake he shouldn't have, and the debt he owed would be collected sooner or later. If he wasn't around at that time, I would have to pay back the debt, but in any case, this karmic fate shouldn't fall on you," my father said.
He finished speaking and then slapped his leg, his eyes suddenly turned red. Like a madman, he kept muttering, "I understand, I understand."
After speaking, he who had been standing while we burned the paper mother, knelt down in front of the ashes. He knocked his head several times, causing bloodshot to fill his forehead and his face to be filled with tears.
"Dad, what's wrong with you?" I asked as I pulled him. How could my father, who was so strong, suddenly feel hopeless?
"Before, when I was chatting with your mother, I asked her, how did my father revive you? She said she had agreed to a condition from your grandfather. I had never understood what it was, only just now I realized!" My father said with tears streaming down his face.
"What exactly happened?" I asked.
"If your grandfather were an immortal, he knew our family would face this calamity and that someone would come to redeem it, so when he saved your mother, he gave her a life just for her to give it back to me at this time. This is what your mother promised your grandfather," my father said.
In my mind, two faces appeared.
One of the wrinkled grandfather.
One of the flower-like face of my old mother.