I quickly finished my meal, made a strong cup of mountain tea, and went outside. I needed to calm down and think about the impulsive decision I had made today. I hadn't been outside for a long time when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw my father approaching, smoking his pipe, and walking up to me. "Let's go, Xiaofan, let's take a walk. Dad has something to tell you." I knew what he was going to say; it must be about Lin Xiaoyao. But what could I say? Could I tell him that I accepted her because I saw my own feelings reflected in her, just like when I got dumped? We walked along the small path, my father didn't speak, and I didn't know how to start. It was only when my legs were aching from the walk, and my father had refilled his smoke pouch, he said, "Xiaofan, you've grown up. Xiaoyao is a good girl. For a man, finding a woman who genuinely cares for you is enough for a lifetime. Your grandma is stubborn; you don't have to listen to her." "Dad," I opened my mouth and looked at him, at a loss for words. "Dad is getting older and doesn't understand the feelings of young people like you, but I guess you're pitying her, right? Don't let this be the reason. You can pity her for a while, but not for a lifetime. When you no longer feel pity and leave her, she will be the one to pity. In deciding to be with a girl, you must take the time to discover the aspects of the girl that you like. Only then can the relationship last. Although I shouldn't be saying this, because I and your mother don't have anything between us, times have changed. Back in our time, having a wife was enough; who had time for love? My father sarcastically laughed. "Dad, actually mom is quite good," I responded. "Yes, not bad. She's at least quiet. Sometimes I feel like your mother isn't stupid; she's a smart person. She's looking at a bunch of fools like us. Of course, that's just self-consolation. Okay, let's not talk about this. Treat the girl well. Both those girls are pitiful. If you let them down, I won't forgive you." After he finished talking, he stood up and said it's getting late, go back and sleep, you have school tomorrow. His words left me in turmoil. Are Wu Miaoke and Lin Sanshui really headed for divorce?
The next day, on my way to school, I noticed people pointing at me, and amid the chatter of my aunts and sisters, my affair with Lin Xiaoyao was being widely discussed. I kept my head down and tried not to look at them, but I listened intently to their conversation. It was all about the chief's family - the elder was going to divorce and the younger married a university student, despite her ugly appearance. After school, I brought some wine and went to find Lin Erduo again, subtly probing about the situation between Wu Miaoke and Lin Sanshui. The issue seemed to have died down, so how could there be talk of divorce? In the end, I didn't get an answer because someone in town had spotted Wu Miaoke and Lin Sanshui walking together. Lin Sanshui was in the front, and Wu Miaoke was behind him crying, which led to the rumors of their divorce. "How come you can't go three sentences without talking about Wu Miaoke? I heard today that you were getting together with Lin Xiaoyao, and I was thinking that with your good taste, how did you end up with that ugly girl? Turns out, it's not about the wine; you have your eyes on Wu Miaoke? Xiaofan, I didn't realize you had such good taste," Lin Erduo said after a couple of drinks, starting to babble again. "Sister-in-law, Lin Erduo is drunk again," I shouted into the house. "Brother, I'm sorry. I misspoke," Lin Erduo quickly pressed my arm.
“My dad said that if they really get divorced, I should try and set up Wu Miaoke with my second uncle,” I explained to Lin Erduan.
“Oh, so that's it. Wu Miaoke can't even lay eggs. Does your second uncle really like her?” Lin Erduan asked.
“Who told you she can't lay eggs? She's fine. Don't talk nonsense,” I was a bit irritated. When did Erduan become such a gossip like the women in the village?
“How do you know she's fine?” Erduan wondered.
“I... if she's not fine, how could she have given birth to Lin Xiaoyao?” I almost said that I had seen her medical report in Miaoke's room that day, but immediately stopped myself. I couldn't trust Erduan's mouth either, if I said that, it might spread through the entire village tomorrow.
I chatted with Erduan for a while, but didn't get any reliable information. When they said their goodbyes, I started thinking about going to the ancestral hall to add some oil to the eternal lamp.
I don't know why, but my emotions have been particularly chaotic lately. Only in the ancestral hall, a place where no one else dares to go now, can I calm down.
As I walked to the entrance of the ancestral hall, I suddenly heard a woman crying inside.
Because I had also had some alcohol at Lin Erduan's home, this cry scared me to the bone. Damn, it's late at night in the ancestral hall, where did this cry come from? Could it be that the eternal lamp has gone out and a female ghost has come out of the red coffin?
I picked up a stick from the ground for self-defense and slowly approached the window of the ancestral hall. I tore the paper covering the window and saw a woman kneeling in front of the ancestral tablets, trying to stifle her sobs.
This person turned out to be Wu Miaoke.
Seeing her shoulders tremble with her cries, my heart also clenched.
She was waiting for me, at least that's my assumption.
Because now no one in the village dares to come to the ancestral hall, and only I come every night to add oil to the eternal lamp.
I knew what she wanted to do, and I also knew that if I entered, I might get everything a man wants. But I didn't, I watched her cry there and quietly walked away.
Some things, I don't not want to do, but I cannot take advantage of a vulnerable woman. Using a woman's plight to get what you want, is no different from being a beast.